Whether we’re in quarantine or not, it’s only natural that being around others can cause a rise in tension and lead to challenging relationships. Learning how to deal with difficult people is a journey that I have personally grown in the last four or five years. I used to allow myself to get so triggered by others, but now I’m at a place where I don’t define the quality of my life based on the actions of other people. This article teaches you some of the tools that I’ve learned along my journey and that I believe will greatly support you in yours.
Owning YOUR God-Given Power
First, I want you to understand that people do not have the ability to make you feel any type of way. Your reactions are consequences of how you choose to interpret certain actions, situations, or things that someone said.
You’re ultimate power is when you’re no longer giving your power away to other people. It’s the realization that you determine the quality of your experience and what you desire to feel.
You accept or reject people based on your past experiences with others, and what you accept or reject about yourself. Everything is coming from you. You take back your power when you heal yourself, your past experiences, and traumas.
How to Deal with Difficult People and Challenging Relationships
When you’re learning how to deal with difficult people, ask yourself:
- “Who does this person remind me of from my past?”
- OR “What about this person is something that I may not like about myself?”
The goal of all challenging relationships that you’ll face in your life is for you to get to a place of full acceptance of yourself, others, and healing your past wounds.
When people lash out, that is their innocence acting out. They are doing the best that they know how, given what they know or don’t know. When they act out, that is their innocence crying out for love and acceptance. If you can look at it that way, you’ll transform your own lens to see from love and compassion, which will allow you to not only heal them but yourself too.
Regardless of how people treat you in the challenging relationships that you’ll face, be committed to your truth. When someone says something to you that triggers you, it’s actually an opportunity for you to raise your vibration and offer them love. A lot of us tend to react negatively and stoop down to other people’s vibration. Instead, ask yourself how you would want someone to treat you if you were in that state.
“Every event, circumstance, or person that enters your life is divinely orchestrated by a higher power to inspire your greatest personal growth.” -Ashley Hannawacker
Now that you know how to deal with difficult people and challenging relationships, I want to give you tools that will support you in your journey.
Tool #1: Don’t resist it, breathe into it
When someone triggers you, focus on your body where you’re feeling negativity. Place your hands on that part of your body, and breathe slowly into that discomfort. If you have trouble finding that location, you can also place your hands on your heart or your solar plexus.
It’s important to deal with that discomfort because if we don’t, it tends to bottle up and we become explosive… which isn’t fun for anyone!
Remember this: WHEN YOU ARE FEELING, YOU ARE HEALING. When we breathe into parts of our body and feel what we need to experience, we allow healing to take place.
Tool #2: Surrender the need to blame others and be “right”
When we are fixated on being right, we create separation. The ultimate goal is oneness. Wrong vs right creates a division between you and the other person.
When you feel triggered by someone, slow down your breath. You’ll notice that when you slow your breathing, you’ll feel less stress because you’re calming your nervous system.
Questions to Ask Yourself
The questions that you should ask yourself when you’re learning how to deal with difficult people are:
- What emotions do they seem to be experiencing and feeling right now?
- Can I remember a time when I felt that way?
Once you identify a time that you felt that way, ask yourself what the words are that you wish someone else would have said to you in that moment that would have helped you feel better.
After you do this, ask yourself: “Can I be the one that offers those words as an opportunity to heal both hearts?” The reason I say both hearts is because your subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between how you talk to yourself and how you talk to others. ALL conversations are a chance for you to reprogram your mind and heal your heart.
When They Don’t Respond How You Want Them To
When using the tools and questions mentioned above, make sure to RELEASE ALL EXPECTATIONS on how you think they should respond to you. No matter how anyone responds to your words, just by saying the words that you didn’t hear often enough in the past, you ensure yourself to be the one who exits the conversation more healed.
Everything that I just covered shows you that you don’t need ANYONE to act a certain way for you to feel harmony in your life. I hope this episode was powerful and that you got some value from it. Remember, you are powerful, worthy, and this is a MASSIVE OPPORTUNITY for you to practice loving yourself.
**I’d like to give a HUGE shout out to Matt Kahn who wrote one of my favorite books of all time, “Whatever Arises, Love That” which was the inspiration behind this blog post, episode and message. 🙂